I wash my face in the bathroom sink
And take a moment to gaze in the mirror
I see stress projected all over
Pale skin
Thinning hairline
A greying beard
Bags beneath my eyes
Breath stinking
This isn't my first day to end like this
I wish it were my last, but it won't be

From a distance the job looked perfect
They talked of unexposed markets and new clients
The sales pitch was simple
The value prop was clear
The SaaS would mostly sell itself
But no one stays quiet in the Valley for long
The competition was close behind
There were rumors they used AI
We had to defend our turf

It started with irregular hours
Calls to New York right after calls with Japan
I was up at 3am to make sure the deals went through
At 5 we'd break for happy hour
The local watering hole had beer and burgers
Most everyone kept working when they went home
Their wives didn't care about their midnight email habits
After a couple months I was struggling to keep up
So Chaz gave me some blow
He said it would help me stay ahead

That was four years ago
We've had a lot of success
But there've been some failures too
Manufacturing promises fell through
But overall costs fell too
My CEO seems pretty pleased
Even though the competition's always close by
I still don't know if we're ahead yet

Today we had a meeting
He put it on my calendar last week
I suspected some news about a new manager, maybe someone was getting fired
Instead he offered me a new position as VP of Sales
I was floored
He said I'd been loyal and exemplified the company mission
My mouth went dry
The customers loved working with me
Fuck, I needed a drink
I'd be well compensated if I accepted
I said thank you
I'd love to accept, but I need to square away some personal matters
Let me know by Friday?
Will do

I can't sleep
Every time I try falling asleep my sheets get drenched in sweat
I'm broken
I'm am addict
I need help
I'll die if I take this job
Godammit I just want to sleep
I could just end it now